There is a difference between a high achiever vs a perfectionist.

I don’t remember at which stage in life I started to become a perfectionist. I started from being a high achiever and digressed into a realm of perfectionism. And no that’s not the same as being OCD. And to all self-proclaimed OCDs out there, OCD is very different from being neat and orderly.

Back to being a perfectionist, I think I am seeing more negative attributes in it as I slowly drift away from being a perfectionist. There are many articles about these talking about Perfectionist Traits as well as how it is different from being a high achiever.

How did it all start?

Through my early formative years, I have always been a high achiever. Even though I was dyslexic, I was overachieving on many other areas in life. I have always set the record for being “the youngest student in XXX leadership position” and “the youngest student to start an initiative “. I have also always prided myself as the ‘fixer’ or the ‘problem solver’ who thinks differently from peers my age. Damn, I was even reading business books when I was 12 and got into trouble at reading classes cos the teachers don’t think that was age-appropriate.

“She has so much potential for the future!” “We are excited to see where she will go in the future”

There are 2 ways a person can go after this. They either ride on these opportunities to greater heights or they crash and burn under these expectations.

I went both ways. I rode the waves higher and higher, and then I crashed under all these expectations. Mainly self-expectations.

The beginning of the end (errr.. though not really)

I was under so much stress that I went into a clinical depression. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t function.

I was afraid of everything. The constant question going off in my head day and night,

“what if you fail sam? You have never failed before, so what makes you so sure you will survive this?”

“Are you sure you are ready? Are you sure you have what it takes? “

“Nope, not good enough. Anyone can do this so what makes you perfect? You need a perfect foolproof plan if not you will fall flat on your face before you even started”

“The only reason why you have friends and family is because you seem perfect. Can you imagine how disappointed they will be when they find out you are not? Do you know how fast they will leave?”

We are indeed our worst critic huh! If we were to treat other people the same way we treat ourselves, we will indeed be very lonely.

The change was so slow and gradual that I did not even realize. My self-confidence and self-esteem were so low! Even though I became an educator, a flight attendant in a top airline and even started my own business! I have always felt like a fraud.

But once in a while, the high achiever Sam does appear. In times of trouble where I needed to react on instinct when I lack the time to talk myself out of it.

I was so tired and preoccupied with trying not to screw up all the time.

So one day I heard this phrase!

Then one day at a conference, I heard this phrase. “ Don’t mess good up for perfect”. That got me thinking!

• How many times have I missed an opportunity cos I felt it was good but not perfect?

• How many business opportunities have I missed cos I procrastinated when I felt I was not perfect enough yet?

• How many times have I delayed saying yes to something I knew I was good enough to work it out as I go along because I felt I needed to be perfect before saying yes?

• How many times have I stood at the sidelines and watch others that are not necessary as qualified but way more confident then I am, take the plunge into something I know I could be good at?

Are these the reason why I find myself living from paycheck to paycheck, project to project cos I was afraid to commit to anything? The answer is YES!

Do I really want to have a perfect, failure-free life at the end knowing that I have played it too safe?

So this year I have decided to not play it safe! I have decided to take risk, more calculated risk.

I have learned that it is all about progress and not about being perfect. So as long as I am moving forward, even falling or failing forward, that’s all that matters.

Relearning is never easy. Overcoming fear is never easy too! But as long as I am progressing 1% better every day, that’s a mad compounded progression is the long run! So if any part of this speaks to you, just start. No one can guarantee the perfect outcome but one can guarantee no outcome if you don’t gather up the courage to just start.

So know that I will be rooting for you!

Love Samantha

Finally, have the time to write again. And yes this needs to change. I need to write more as this is one of the few ways I get my emotions and feeling out of my thick skull. And it helps me on an emotional level when I put my emotions on paper (screen).

And today’s topic is about being nice. Is there such a thing as being too nice?

I have been struggling with this concept for a while. How much niceness is too nice? But recently I saw a video that says it pretty well. You can see it here

It kinda describes what I have been doing for a while. Being so nice that I end up getting burnt out and asking myself why did I even agree to do anything.

Then there comes the concept of transactional “niceness”. Eg when a paying client asks for something done and is super nice and collaborative about it, then I will be more than willing to do more, even forgoing sleep.

But how about non-monetary? Non-transactional? Or just being nice because I want to be nice?

Truth be told, I got very very jaded about a month or 2 ago, and am still trying to get out of it. It’s hard to not be cynical when I am comparing myself internally to the likes of disposable utensils. Replaceable.

I thought I would be happy if I protected myself more, to think about myself more. To put me in the canter and before anyone else. To “give me first dips”. But I realized that I was not happy and went down an angry spiral.

As an emotional creature, I have always shown love by acts of service. This is my love language and by not helping others first means asking me to not love. And that killed me more than anything.

So yes I was protecting myself, but I was not happy. That got me thinking, it is not about the act of being nice, but the subject or persons I need to be careful about being nice to.

I am still learning to discern but I cannot ‘not love’. So do I have a way to get less hurt and tired? Not yet. But I guess, getting tired and sometimes hurt, beats not loving.

And love is more then enough..

24th Oct 2013, I made my last flight back to Singapore from London as a Singapore Girl. A life long dream I’ve had and checked off. And at this point of writing, that is almost 5.5 years ago. But there are some crew habits that I still do till now as well as some lessons I had the privilege of learning from my days of flying.

Habits that I can’t kick till date

Toilet paper

Let’s start off with a funny one. I CANNOT stand toilet paper that is put in the wrong way round. I’ve actually subconsciously swapped some around in public toilets. Unless you have a CAT, there is no reason why your toilet paper is inserted the wrong way round.

Holding the front of my skirt when running or walking fast

This is a strange one. If you have seen the SQ kebaya, there is a slit running down the front, you can read more interesting things about the uniform here. So for some strange reason, I will grab the imaginary slit.

Things I do on flight

From packing an extra set of clothes in my cabin bag, to never wearing slippers or heels on flight, to always looking for emergency exits as well as sitting with my fit planted on the cabin floor during takeoff and landing. Yeah some things never change. That includes thanking the crew for the flight when we land.

Living out of a cargo bag for a while after coming home from holiday

This is more of a reminiscing then a habit. Maybe subconsciously I want to fly off again soon?

Cleaning toilets on flight

Not full on with sprays and gloves but I’ll make sure at least the basins are dry and there is tissue in the compartments.

Fun and silly habits aside, there are some life lessons that are precious to me even till this day. My time in SIA has shaped me quite a bit and I am proud to say I am a better person because of that.

Lessons I’ve learned in SIA

The ability to talk to anyone about anything

I re cultivated my love for reading and learning new things when I was in SIA. Knowing a little in everything from management to business to art and even politics has allowed me to be able to hold a conversation with anyone.

But the main lesson I learn is the art of starting a conversation first. This has helped me so much in business post-SIA days and it is a skill honed by taking to thousand and thousands of strangers

Smile always, that’s winning half the battle

It’s not just a plastered smile on your face but there are actually many benefits as well as research on how a smile is beneficial for you on a physical and mental level

Everything is much much better when approached with a smile. Unless your smile is creepy.. then I can’t help you. But you can practice!

Appreciate service staff

There are 2 kinds of person never to offend, your boss and the person who makes your food. Well, you know the reason for both.

But what I learn is that a please or a thank you can make someone’s day. They might have a shitty day already but just being in contact with people who appreciates them does help make work a lot more bearable

Plus it shows your upbringing!

Be nice!

There are enough nasty people in the world and being nice actually makes a difference. Everyone loves to be around a nice person, so why don’t you be just that? I have passengers who treated me like a servant before and at the end of the day, being nice to her wins me the respect of others around her. That’s priceless!

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind!

Knowing when to call quits

This came at the very end of my flying career. Being a Singapore Girl is an awesome job and when you get an off day, you really get an off day and there is no homework to bring home. but after 2 years, I knew I wanted something more. I knew I had other dreams that I wanted to chase. And knowing how damaging flying everyday is to my body, I decided to walk away from the job I loved.

But that actually taught me a lot in letting go and stepping into the unknown.

Finally, sometimes friends you have around you are who you call family away from home

I lost count how many times my crew on flight stepped in to help out on everything. I remembered a few instances.

One where I was called up to fly to Moscow in the dead of winter 3 hrs before take off for my first few standbys and not having flown to a cold country at such short notice before, there were a lot of things I don’t have to keep warm. A stewardess stepped in and lent me her extra scarf as well as earmuffs. Another leading steward gave me all his hand warmers since he is staying in and has been to Moscow many times. So I actually got to explore it first time ever!

Another was a flight to Beijing, where I was the most junior crew and was picked on by the leading stewardess (yes it happens). She got us to start prepping the trolleys when the plane was still climbing after take off. And as fate has it, she stored some bottles of wine in a compartment where she was not supposed to, and when she opened the door, the wine bottles rolled out and crashed into my head. I was knocked out for a second and thank God a steward blocked the second one that was heading for the back of my neck.

So I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed recalling my SIA days. Feel free to ask me anything regarding my time in SIA and I will try to answer as much as I can! And for tips for the upcoming SIA interviews, here is my 2 cents worth regarding one of the hardest interviews there is.

Love! Samantha

What is passion?

“How do I find my passion and how do I know what it is?” This is a question that I get a lot when talking about the topic of passion. I have done a post about what I think passion is and what my passion is and that might give a little contact to this post! So with that out of the way, here is what I think might help you find your passion!

I believe that everyone is passionate about something and it is something discovered within you and not something that is found. Yes trying new things might trigger an existing excitement within you and energise you. So that brings me to my first point to discover your passion especially when you get stuck.

Try something new and DO IT

Keep trying something new. Try and research different things. I find myself trying out a few different things like water Color, tee shirt printing, writing, illustration and even sculpting. But taking a step back and looking at it, I am going in the directions of visual art. I would never give know if I stuck to what I am trained in, which is business and Human Resources.

But it is not enough to just find something new to do. You need to be hands-on and TRY it. Reason for that, it might sound really good in your brain but once you start doing it, things might change very fast.

I thought I would like to make handmade candles until I made my first candle in the office. When hot wax started flowing everywhere and I am getting my fingers burnt and ended up with a hot gloppy mess, and I ended up getting so tired from all the cleaning and got even more confused over what happened, that’s is when I realized, maybe not. Does it mean I will not go back into candle making? No, it is just not right for me right now given the time constraints I have.

Stop trying to be perfect

This is something I need to keep reminding myself, especially after the candle episode. It sucks to fail. But having a gloppy mess is always better than not trying it at all. I am a perfectionist and it takes the fun out of many things I do. When I paint, I get very anxious every time I mix the colors wrong. But knowing to catch yourself and getting back into the position of exploring instead of performing or producing will help with the anxiety.

I still remind myself that getting good at something Is a process and not an event. So enjoy the process and stop trying to be perfect, it is supposed to be an activity that energizes you and not wear you down remember?

If you are a person who wants to improve fast, one thing that helped me on a daily basis is the motto of being “1% better every single day”. That helps to break the mountain into smaller chunks. One of my favourite phrase,

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!

What would you want to learn and take a course on?

This question is very helpful to pinpoint the direction or subject you are interested in.

Recently I had coffee with a friend I had not seen for a while. We were at a coffee place and again the topic of passion came up. He has been working in a bank and enjoyed his work. But as he rose the ranks, he started to take over portfolios that he has no interest in, and all of a sudden, he started dreading going to work even though he has a paycheck that makes my eyes green with envy.

“So what do you like to do?” I asked. He had no idea but what caught my attention was how excited he was when telling me about the cafe were going. And the way he was telling the barista exactly how he wanted his coffee while I ordered my Americano with cream.

So logically, my question to him was, “have you taken any class in coffee-related stuff? Like latte art, roasting coffee or even coffee blending?” I saw him lit up. It might sound like an obvious route that he would have seen himself but sometimes, when one is stressed at work, the last thought would be something enjoyable. Considering what you might want to study in or take a course in, might help you find your passion

But that being said, this is an important note!

Passion does not have to take over or replace your full time job!!

I have written a post about jumping into your passion full time, how I did it, as well as some things you need to think through first before making that move, especially in Singapore.

Who do I look up to?

I have always looked up to urban Painters. Where they just grab all their art gear and sit by a lake (there are not many pretty lakes in Singapore grrrrr) and start painting. They always look like they give no shit about who they are blocking or who is watching. It’s like being in one with the paper and brush.

We will only look up to and sometimes, even be jealous of someone who is doing something you always wanted to do. Eg, if you don’t have a passion for teaching, you will not be jealous of the person who won the best teaching award this year. Heck, you might not even know who they are! That’s because that’s not what you are interested in and it does not energize you!!

So noticing who you look up to might point you in a direction when trying to find your passion. I look up to motivational coaches a lot! Be it Mel Robbins, Jairek Robbins, Nick Vujicic, Dr Ryan Lowery, and many others. I look up to them because one of my passions in life is to inspire people to be a better version of themselves, hence, making the world a better place.

Go to the book store

What section do you head straight to when you go into popular, Kinokuniya?

Manga? Maybe be story telling excites you?

Photography? Duhh

Sports and wellness? Maybe health and fitness is your jam!

Mine is always stationaries! I am just strange.

So take notice where you end up mindlessly sometimes. Your subconscious knows what excites you. That’s where you find your passion

Don’t be afraid to move on if you fail or find something else.

I like to watch people play games but I suck at it. I CAN NEVER PRESS THE RIGHT BUTTONS. You do not have to pursue everything you are interested in. But at least give it a try. You can still enjoy it without having to pursue it.

Stop giving yourself excuses

A wise businessman I look up to very much said before “If you want something, don’t let anything get in the way of what you want.” If I want to have enough money to buy supplies for my art, I better make sure I earn the money somewhere.

Stop giving yourself excuses cos at the end of the day, you answer only to yourself and no one else. Love yourself enough to at least try.

Last words before this entry become too long, you can not try and wonder for the rest of your life if you could have found enjoyment in areas in life you did not explore, or you can be happy knowing you have been adventurous enough to try, that you had the balls to start.

Passion is the energy you feel when you are excited. It’s like the childlike wonder you had when you first tried something.

Hope this post encourages you and point you in the right direction as you find your passion in life. Remember to follow the energy cos that’s what passion is, something that energizes and excites you.

And I want to tell you that you are precious and that you have great things coming your way once you take that tiny step to listen inwards and not look outwards in the pursuit of passion. It is in you all these while you just need to listen.

Love, Samantha

“I don’t know what is my passion” is something that comes out a lot in my conversations. Recently I was having a chat with a Friend online. The conversation went a little like this.

Friend: Sam, I envy you. You seem to know what you wanna do. I have no passion for my work and I dread going to work every day.

Me: What do you mean?

Friend: It’s like, you are so passionate about everything you do. It must be great being so full of passion and so sure all the time

Me: And where did you get that idea from?

Friend: Your Instagram! Your Facebook post! You have the life that I will gladly quit my job. You always feel so sure in life!

Me: Oh no you don’t! And if my life is limited to what I post on social media, I will be very envious too.

That being said, Instagram is curated according to what you want to portray to the world. But more often then not, most of the post I share is actually a reminder to myself first, then sharing it online in hopes that it will encourage others as much as it has encouraged me.

But that being said, let’s talk passion! So what is my passion and how do I see passion nowadays

I am one of those people who are 三分鐘熱度 in everything I do. That means that I jump on to things very quickly and jump off them quickly too. I have a lot of interest. The excuses I used to give myself was, I am looking so that I can find out “what is my passion”.

This word ‘passion’, feels like an elusive creature who seems to run away when I was so sure I got it. But what exactly is a passion? And sometimes that word becomes a dirty little word.

Recently I was listening to a podcast by Mel Robbins and she touched on it and it clicked in my mind. She said passion is simply an activity that gives you energy and excites you. It is not a fixed activity, person, place or thing. So don’t over think it! It is simply energy.

Here is a link to Mel Robbins’s video talking about passion. This woman inspires me every day!

So for example, Mel said in her video, that if you are excited Everyday to go to work, the work is not your passion. The reason your job energizes you might be because you are excited and it is new, or that you have a great boss or colleague and team. 

But if one day, your awesome boss leaves the company, and replacing him is a jerk that micromanages, causing the team to fall apart. Now you will start dreading going to work. You will “lose passion” of the job. So the question is, is your job your passion in the first place? Maybe not.

If you are passionate about money, money generating ideas and activities might motivate and energize you. If you are passionate about teaching, activities that help you to teach better, or a new process to make learning more efficient might energize you. 

So what is MY passion? Or what energizes and excites me? As my name suggests (Samantha means ‘the teachable one’), learning new things energizes and excites me. Especially learning a new craft.

“But can I have more than one passion?” you ask? Of cos! Some people might enjoy gaming and others might enjoy cooking, some enjoy both! These are activities that energize you and at the end of the activity, you feel happier. Mentoring and coaching does energize me too!

So instead of getting stressed out over finding your passion, having this slight change of mindset does wonders and simplify this elusive creature.

Hope this little post help in the age-old question and do have a look at my other post about ways to find my passion, as well as a short checklist I always ask my friends when they tell me they are about to leave their jobs to pursue their passion.

So in case you don’t hear this from anyone else today, I am here to remind you that you are precious, you’ve got this and it just takes being 1% better every single day to live the better life you always wanted! I love you and God bless!

Love, Samantha