*post is added at a later date when I was more comfortable sharing
draft written on 3rd Jan 2021
As we count down to Baby T’s arrival, there is this nagging feeling that I can’t seem to pinpoint. It’s not a major sadness that comes with hormonal issues but more of the lingering doubt. So many people look at my social media feed and think I am having the time of my life. But I am actually struggling inside.
Do i really want kids? Or rather, can I handle a kid? Am I ready? Will I be good enough to be a parent? What if I suck?
These are the questions that kept going round and round in my head. And I can’t seem to shake them off no matter how supportive Daniel is.
I am afraid. but at the same time, I feel helpless. which is really stupid since I have such a strong support system. maybe more of fear than anything else.
I actually feel useless, I can’t carry heavy stuff anymore, I feel like a whale. I can’t even see my bloody feet! I am also not very useful at productions. We just finished our last production that I was allowed to be on-site, and this feels… Wrong.
I don’t know what i am actually thinking and why these thoughts are coming. Maybe these thoughts might go away one day..
I don’t take the trust of both client and crew for granted.
I don’t take having the chance to do what I love for granted.
I don’t take what Daniel and I built over the years through blood, sweat, tears and grit for granted.
Hello my bump
Especially now when my baby bump is getting bigger and it’s harder to move around. It’s hard not to feel slightly useless.. I know it is a strange feeling but the workaholic in me refuses to let go.
To get shit done and still have fun at the same time is important to me. The heart and soul of what we do. To pay people right, to get the job done as a team, to make sure everything goes as well as it possibly can.
I do take pride in that. That is the core of us as a business and as humans.
rpt
rpt
the eyes and heart behind once click wonders
No, we don’t just sell ketones. This is our full-time job, our baby. We get to share and educate on ketones on top of running a company (or was it a few companies?? 😜). And we feel so blessed we get to do these passions side by side.
This does look like the last few times I’ll be able to be on-site with my guys for a while. I’ve got mixed feelings. Not being in the trenches with them, rain or shine.
2020 has been good.. And I am grateful. I’m super blessed.
So after drinking pruvit for the last 26 months, I have done no less then 12 reboots since I started. There are a lot of science that went into this but I will not be too technical about it cos we just want to know what it is, how it works and what to expect right?????
I am not a doctor and neither am I a reboot coach, YET, but I will use what I understand so far and using the most laymen term to attempt to explain what it is. Keyword is ATTEMPT cos there are just so much science in this!
So here is my simplified and very “Samantha” version of that is this Pruvit reboot system all about!
So what is this Pruvit Ketones reboot system?
I think the best is to think of it this way. When you first get your new phone of laptop, we expect it to run flawlessly right? But when your laptop or phone gets older, it tends to slow down, it might be due to inefficient use of space and memory, it might also be due to viruses or just too much spam apps or junk we just don’t use anymore.
So what do you do when that happens? That’s right, you do a reboot to factory setting!
That’s the concept of the 60hr reboot but with the body!
IT comes in a box that looks like this. In short, for the next 60 hours, you just consume only the stuff in this box. It is what I call an assisted fast. There are full instructions to prompt you to consume something from the pack every 4 hours or so (even though I always either miss the time or combine some of the packets together haha.. I don’t have a fixed working hour as you know)
Why is it so powerful and when should I do a reboot?
This is super powerful for people who feel like they need a little push or if they feel like they have been stuck for a while. I actually have a few customers who are on a traditional keto diet but they join us on this monthly reboot to get their body into a deeper state of ketosis and ketogenesis. Click here (Post coming soon) to find out what is the difference
Another reason it is so powerful is the advantages of prolong fasting. You can read more about the sciency parts from here and here.
In short, this reboot helps you to prime your body metabolism to start burning existing fat for fuel. It also helps with appetite and craving control.
A lot of people are worried about muscle mass when doing a fast. That’s why a ketones assisted fast is so amazing, it helps to protect and maintains lean muscle mass.
And my favourite benefit is that it aids in cellular detoxification. That means better skin, nails and hair.
So our reboot comes in this little box!!!
What to expect on a 60 hour reboot?
Will you DIE?!?!
Haha I didn’t die.
Remember that it is always your call of how long you want to keep it up. 60 hours is perfect cos I feel that it reaps the best benefits in that amount of time. This is not time to be a typical Singaporean thinking the longer the better ah!! No one keeps the scores (I think). The benefits of the fast to me is not worth the struggle after 60 hours I feel. But I do know of friends who go on till 72 or 88 hours, HUAT AH!!
There is always support given especially if you are in our community cos we have about 60 to 80 people who do reboot the same time monthly. Yes there is support in the official Pruvit reboot page here but due to Singapore and US time difference, we start 12 hours before them.
But what is the difference between this fast and eg, water fast?
Ketones acts as fuel for your body. The biggest difference to me is that my body goes into glucose emptying mode and not fuel starvation mode. Just drinking ketones kicks my body into a state of ketosis so there is no down time waiting for that to happen. So bye bye to all the glucose storage and hello fat burning.
Last, tips to survive the reboot
Prep before you start!
In the few days leading up to the reboot, do try to keep on a keto friendly diet. We have tried to load up on our fav carbs before (since going to reboot so why not mentality) and deeply regret on the first day, with our reboot ending in failure.. TWICE!
Dont trust your farts
Really. Just don’t. High chance it is not a fart. ha.. ha.. haaa..
Find someone to be accountable to!
Be it a group of a friend who will urge you on and not pull you down! I’ve heard of husbands taunting their wives with cakes when they are on the reboot.. WHYyyy…. 🙁
Keep away from parties and dinner dates!
Don’t make it harder than it already is. It’s only 2 days. So plan ahead! Also, stay away from food channels and Instagram if you are like me who follow a lot of people who love to bake.
Keep hydrated and keep electrolytes handy!
You will be losing A LOT of water in the fast as well as electrolytes. If you don’t have Mitoplex on hand, keep some pink salt on hand. Read about electrolyte imbalance here!
Keep busy!
Your brain will be going into overdrive so make good use of it! Also by keeping busy, the chances of you feeling hungry are lower. Some people swear by super-efficient house packing.
Keep moving!
Help your body burn through those glycogen stores faster so it starts reaching for the fatttt… burnnn!
Take it only as far as your body allows you to.
Listen to your body!!! Be it 24 hours, 36 hours, 48 hours, or 60 hours. A Reboot is not a once in a lifetime event so don’t treat it like it needed to be perfect. But do challenge your personal best. If this reboot you did 40hrs, congratulate yourself and plan for the next one
Stop comparing.
Not with others and not with yourself. Everyone’s bodies are different, and the state of your own body might be different from month to month. So stop comparing! Some reboots are a breeze for me and some reboots feel like crap. So go with the flow
How you break fast is important
Don’t waste all the work you have done. The effects of reboot last longer then the 60 hours. Basically it prolongs till you eat your carb meal. So work with your referral and they will walk with you through the breaking fast!
So that’s all I have today and hope that helped somewhat!! Jia you and crush that reboot!!!
If you want to know more, just DM me on ig at @simsamsum or @sgketocouple or go to this link now to purchase. I will personally be guiding you on this journey to better. Read more about my experience with Ketones here!
Edit on 5th Dec 2020* it took me a while to decide if I wanted to publish this. But recently I have a few mums to be asking me why I don’t have such thoughts. I do. And a lot of it but these are things I don’t scream to the world at that point in time. I tend to retreat into my own mind and write it down so that I release it somehow. So here it is..
WARNING, Trigger warnings.
Google can be a scary monster by itself. I find myself going down the rabbit hole over and over again spending time sucked into it with thoughts turning darker and darker. How do I know my baby is doing well? If he or she is growing? Am I doing all I can for the tiny life in me? I can’t sleep for 2 nights in a row. I have no appetite. How does it affect the growth of the little one in me?
I don’t know what to say, I don’t know who to tell. And as of now, mum and dad are still in the dark. what is the point of telling them? The bigger the expectation, the bigger the disappointment if it doesn’t get to full term. I can’t put them through that.
Every trip to the toilet feels dreadful. Every time I pull down my pants I wonder if I will see the red lump of blood clots I saw so many times before. And I breathe a sigh of relief when it was clear. Every pain, every ache, every strange feeling in my abdomen sends my brain into hyper mode.
Yes seeing the ultrasound did put things into reality. But it also seems like the only indication that everything is ok.. the only indication until the next scan. So what do I do from now till the next scan? It’s been 20 days since the last appointment. Why is the time going so slow?
These are things I type into google.
Is it normal to not have morning sickness?
Is it normal to not feel anything?
How do you know you are really pregnant?
How do you know if you have lost a baby in first trimester?
How do I know my baby is ok first trimester
Things to eat in first trimester
Things to avoid eating in first trimester
Common causes of baby death in first trimester
How do you know if you are still pregnant?
How fast do I bleed after baby dies first trimester?
Safe exercise to do during first trimester
How many woman lose their baby in first trimester in Singapore?
What causes woman to lose their baby in early pregnancy?
These thoughts are ever-present in my head. And being almost 35 is not helping. I’m scared…
Then I see posts on Instagram. Of lost and how to morn for angel babies. Of people who had and lost. Of failed pregnancy tests, again.. So I stopped scrolling.
I can’t stand the silence so I listen to podcasts constantly. I can’t stand being alone so I go drive grab. I can’t stand being around people I know with all these dark thoughts in me so walk around aimlessly in malls.
But what else can I do? Maybe watching TV might help… might help.. i need to get out of this void. This cant be healthy…
So today is the KKH appointment we have been waiting so long for. The last few weeks felt like months. I find myself freaking out every time I go to the washroom, every time I felt a discharge, only to breathe a sigh of relief to find no blood or spotting.
I realized that my morning sickness only comes when I am too hungry. So now I just keep eating. But it does help that my BMI is 18 pre-pregnancy.
And the day begins
So reading online about the waiting times of KKH public, Daniel and I braced ourselves for the long day ahead. We canceled all appointments and made sure we had biscuits in my bag and ketones in our bottles.
When we arrived, DAMN the place was packed! So scanning due to Covid took about 5 mins, that’s not too bad! And we walked aimlessly around looking for Clinic C, found it, scanned my IC then a paper popped out.
Registration fail, please go to counters 1-4.. DAMMIT!
Okayyy.. breath!!! Its gonna be fine!!!
The place was PACKED!!!!! So we asked the closest person in uniform we could grab if we needed to wait or talk to someone.
The senior administrative staff just told us “Just take a seat, they will call your name”. Okayyyy..
There were no seats as the place was packed and half the seats were unavailable due to social distancing.
OKAY!!!! Let’s do this. Daniel and I anxiously looked at the ladies at the counter, who were constantly bombarded with questions and people talking to them.
Then, 10 mins in, I heard my name! Oh helllooooo nurse.
Ding Dong
They passed me a slip and told me to wait in front of the counter and watch my number. But they are very sweet la. After another 5 min of waiting, to the counter where they took the letter from the polyclinic, explained to me what is going on, double checked if I wanted to go the public/subsidized route, explained to me what that means and that I can change my mind anytime.
She also explained to me as a first-time mum, these are the resources opened to me, also vaccinating options for my baby, epidural or not (this can change as the dates get closer), getting Daniel’s documents to make sure he was my hubby.. hahaha..
Then after signing a bunch of papers, off to the scanning we goooo!
Scanning and nervous waiting starts
When we got to the scanning clinic (yes it is a different area), we passed our paper to the reception and got ready to wait. We were pleasantly surprised when our number flashed before we even got to sit down. We went over and the lady told us “This is your first time here right? There is actually quite a long queue, so it will take about 1 hour. Have you guys had breakfast? Do you want to go have breakfast first and walk around before coming back for the scan?”
That is so so sweet! So off to the food court we go!
An hour later, we came back to the clinic, I went to say hi to the nurse so that she knows we are back, and within 10 mins, it is our turn! SUPER EXCITED!
Finally into the room. Will we see what we wanna see?
We got into the room, the lady confirmed my NRIC number and told me to pull my jeans down below my waist and scoot into the bed/chair thingy. Then she squirts the gel on my belly and it begins!
Scan scan scan
And we saw our little bean for the first and the first thing we saw was the beating heart. It was beating fast and furious.
I cried.
To know that there was life within me brought crazy emotions. Daniel and I were just smiling like crazy and I saw tears in his eyes too! So here is our little bean. Already fighting for his or her life.
I think this is the moment it hit me. I am really a mom. Not just because I saw a line on the pregnancy test but I am carrying a living baby that will be growing and growing every moment!
After the scan is done, we got the ultrasound photo, dan and I just held it for a second and the lady was kind enough to give us a second before we left the room. We thanked her and she was super kind, congratulated us, and told us where to go next.
Test test and more test!
So next was the height and weight and pee test. Basically, wait outside a room then go in (this is starting to feel like clockwork), take your height and weight and pee on a test stick and show the stick to the nurse. Painless done in less than 5 min.
Then finally doctor consultation.
Dan and I prayed outside the room for good results from the doc. And within 2 mins of us sitting down, our number rang/dinged!
In we go! The doctor was so nice!!! She asked if everything was ok, how I was feeling, and if I was active before pregnancy.
I told her I was and I asked if I could continue to take my ketones. After taking a quick look and asking if I know that this is something that I’ve been taking, she just said, I don’t see any issues if you are comfortable continuing, only no Keto diet. One of the best news of the day! Hehe..
And of cos my coffee question. How much mg can I take a day? Hehe.. 200mg? GREAT!!!!!!
So all done! And I had the option to take a flu jab now or in 3 weeks. Might as well get it done. And with that, the last step!
Pay and off we go!
NETS payment at the kiosk and we are DONE FOR the day! It actually did not take as long as I thought it would. And with a 50% government subsidized fee yooooo!!!!! woohooo!
So that’s my experience at KKH for the first time! Hehehe.. I’m just looking at the little bean bean photo as I type away!
Today while on the way to a lunch appointment, Daniel asked me in the car,
“So are you going to continue drinking pruvit?”
Without missing a beat, my reply was,
“Why not? I think got pregnant thanks to pruvit ah why should I stop? Ive never been in better health and I want what is best for my body”
Daniel then laughed.
The rational to continue drinking
Now thinking back while typing this, I think I see the change in my life. The last time I’ve fallen sick was almost 2 years ago while I used to go get an MC every 2 to 3 weeks. I got my health back, became the hottest I’ve ever been, and went back to the gym. But that is my own story.
But won’t I be worried?
Of cos, I would worry! I googled an article that day looking at what causes kids to have autism and they linked it to vitamin b, and when I saw the amount of vitamin B in our ketones, of cos I freaked out. But further research actually enlightened me that our body can only take in this amount of water-soluble vitamins and the rest is just passed out.
Research research research
So I think it is important to know yourself, do your research, and communicate with your doctor. I have yet to see my doctor from KKH yet but I will be sure to ask if I can still be on ketones!
I do find it funny that we get so freaked out with taking things that we know are good for our body but don’t even bat an eyelash when we drink bubble tea or sweet coffee.
Also, fun fact!! Babies get into a mild state of ketosis soon after birth and they stay in that state as long as they are kept solely on breastmilk. And mama’s breastmilk does contain a lot of fats! And if the mama is ketogenic, ketone bodies do get passed through the placenta into the fetus. Super baby anyone?? You can read more here!
So do what you are comfortable with!
Im not advocating pregnant mums to go on a keto diet nor am I advising them to be on ketones. I feel it is the responsibility of each individual to be responsible adults and do their due diligence. I have been researching and learning as well as went for nutritional courses for me to draw my own conclusion and I think everyone should too!
So at the end of the day, it is not blind faith for me, it is science and research. So for now, I will just stick to the non-caffeinated ones (For the sake of my long-suffering hubby before I turn into a monster).
Thats all for now and I’m looking forward to go for my first doctor appointment at KKH in a few day! So stay happy and positive! Love ya!
So this is my first polyclinic visit. After researching a little, we have decided to go public.. For now! Yay to the Singapore medical system.
I am not sure what else I should be doing but I do want to make REALLLL sure that I am pregnant before going to a hospital. Over the last 2 nights, the constant nudging of “what if it is a false positive and you end up being happy for nothing” kept floating in my mind.
So after a few clicks on google, and reading if I REALLY need a private gynae, I’ve decided to just go to the polyclinic first to, one, confirm my pregnancy and calm my mind before I go crazy, and two, to talk to people so that I can see what my options are.
I’m constantly gagging and tired the last 2 days. It is starting to affect my sleep and my brain is going on a rampage.
So off to a polyclinic I go!!!
So I decided to go to the nearest polyclinic from our office!!! I asked Dan to stay in the office as we were in the middle of a project and I needed him to stay and finish his work.
I went to woodlands polyclinic as it was the nearest to the office and braced myself for a long wait.
My brain is obsessed with coffee at the moment.. zzz
Tip 1, Avoid the lunch time slots.
And it was my fault for coming right before lunchtime so after registering, the nice lady at the counter told me I can actually go have lunch first then come back at 1.30 pm. GREAT!!! Coffee I’m coming!!!
So after a quick lunch, I went back to the clinic early to attempt to get my work done (hey hey cloud-based business) and I waited. Quite surprised it was quite fast! The bell rang and it was my turn.
Tip 2, Most things are like clockwork, so be independent! Put that big girl pants on!
Urine test! The instructions were “pee in this cup then follow the marking on the floor to drop off.. toilet there, no need too much ah! thanks!”
Wookie! Pee in a cup that’s easyishh.
Followed the markings on the floor to the loo, then the markings that tell you where to drop the samples off! Then dropped the samples into a tray and back to waiting. Easy peasy!
Tip 3, Keep your day free for your own sanity.
Less then 30 mins later, dingggg.. That did not take as long as I though it would, judging by the amount of people waiting at the lobby!
Enter the room. When I got in, a middle-aged female doctor greeted me kindly! She congratulated me and told me I was 5 weeks pregnant! Yuppp.. that sounds about right!
Here comes the kicker! Decision time!
The Doctor then and asked me if I wanted to go to a government hospital or a private hospital. So I asked the pros and cons.
So she told me, basically my choice if I want to see only one doctor and his/her team or am I open to a team of doctors and having a different doc every time.
Lets break it down!
The pros of private is
Doc knows me, I will go to the hospital the doc is at for delivery
If I had a doc I was already visiting, good to stick with him or her
Shorter appointment time per visit
And the pros of public is
First available appointment date
Financially more affordable due to subsidies
Second, third, forth… many opinion
So she told me no rush, I can always go into private if I choose public first. So public it is!
Between KKH and NUH, I preferred KKH, so KKH I went!
Last bit of waiting
It took about 10 mins for the doctor to get the referral letter done and with a last word of congrats, and last warning to not carry anything heavy, go to the A&E straight if I bleed or get any spotting, and keep taking my folic acid, im done!
And hello morning sickness… I’m hungry again.
Payment and cost!
Final steps now!!! Go to the self-service kiosk to pay (big girl pants remember) and I’m all done! In and out. About 3.5 hours plus an hr in between due to lunch break, total bill of $17.20, that’s not too bad!
Maybe it is a good idea to go public!
I will write about my KKH experience once I get my appointment! hehe.. but hello smol smol, you are no longer a figment of my imagination!
I’m sitting now in front of my computer in the office and my brain was in a mess when I am typing this. But I want to record this down somewhere. I want to be able to look back and remember this day. I will attempt to with this brain going in different directions. Hope this makes sense when I look back many moons from now.
So today was the day Dan and I went to get a pregnancy kit. I have realized my period was late for the first time in 2.5 years since I started ketones. Before that, I can have periods for months then nothing. Then months again with a crazy stabbing pain. But since Ketones, it has been like clockwork and painless.
We were talking about it last night, what if our results are positive? What if we are pregnant? Are we really ready to become parents? AT THIS TIME?! We are still in phase one of the circuit breaker! And our house is only coming in END NEXT year!!!
So we went to Sun Plaza for lunch. I did not have much appetite, Dan was eating his favorite Chinese pork ribs. My brains were in overdrive. I KNOW somehow I felt different these days, and it scares me. I feel like throwing up.
After late lunch, we went to the pharmacy to get the kit. I stood in front of the kits and hesitated, I wanted to chicken out, but I needed to know. Daniel was giving me space. Maybe he knew I am conflicted and I had to make this decision myself. I bought 2. Just in case of a misreading.
On the short drive back I felt sick but excited. Like a kid in bed on Christmas morning not knowing if I would love the present or be disappointed. The drive back I was silent, Dan was cracking jokes trying to lighten the mood, I appreciated that. Even at times like that, I give thanks to God for having this soulmate
After we got back to the office, I left the kits on the table for a while. We both sat at the couch holding hands, I was afraid. Was I holding on to too much hope since we have been trying for a kid and it has been disappointing so far?
I cried. Like all the months I cried when my period came on the dot.
It’s all or nothing now. I know dan was at a loss but he held it in like the pillar of support he has and will always be, we hold the kits together, fiddling with it, reading the instructions, trying to get the mushy brain in working order.
Ok. Toilet time!
I peed into the cup and used the dropper, WAIT.. was it one line or two? Wait… what’s what? As I dripped a couple of drops into the test area, I waited. And counted…
One thousand.. two thousand… three thousand…
The first faint line appeared…
Four thousand… 5 thousand… 6 thousand….
And the line darken to one dark pink line.
Seven thousand… eight thousand… nine thousand… ten thousand…
Was it my eyes playing tricks on me or do i see the very faint second line?
I lost count and stared at the test kit. My eyes started to water. I kept blinking, straining to see…
Slowly and surely, the second pink line faded into existence… I sat down for a bit, staring in space… looked up and saw a frightened girl staring back at me and realized that was my reflection.
After what felt like an hour, but that was just barely a minute in real-time, I grabbed the kit, walked out of the toilet to find Daniel smiling at me. I burst into tears and showed him the kit. He was confused a little.. then he laughed.. and both of us were laughing and crying at the same time.
Daniel quickly said a prayer thanking God for the results, laid a blessing of protection over me and our kiddo. We just sat there for a while… a long while. Talking about what to do next. We had no idea.
I suddenly felt a wave of panic. So doctor? Who? Where? What? How?
Suddenly instincts kicked in and I was in full research mode. That’s what I do best anyway and the only thing that’s was in my mind was..
Can I drink coffee now? I need a coffee.. oh wait… can I drink coffee? How much coffee can I drink?
Daniel has a natural daddy instinct. (THANK YOU JESUS) and he started fussing over me, making sure I was comfortable, trying to feed me, and made sure I was well hydrated.
So that was what went down today. As I sat here, Dan is rushing his edit and I just wanted to note every emotion and feeling down. I’m afraid and I am being very careful. I know this is precious and a gift from God and I wanna protect it to my best ability.
Here is to our smol smol… mum and dad lovesss you sooo much. Even though you are just a cluster of cells at the moment. Hahah…
That’s the first thing anything tells me when I say I am on a diet.
So recently I was looking for a picture of me that showed my build, like me actually being bigger sized because a new friend can’t imagine I was actually fleshy 1.5 years ago. But…
I realize… I realized I can’t find any!
And the reason wasn’t I have been skinny all my life. FAR FROM IT! I realized that even though I have never been one to fat shame others, I was very aware of how huge I look (being tall doesn’t help, it actually makes it worse! Imagine a pebble vs a boulder)
In almost all my photos, there was one thing similar, I was wearing a jacket ALL THE TIME! Either that or I was in long sleeves. I doubt it was a conscious choice and I never really noticed it until now when I am currently trying to find a picture when I was weighing in at 69KG.
After many failed attempts to find a picture, I took a while to try and understand and grasp the whole picture. And compared to the kind of pictures I used to take in my 20s, I realized that I have lost a lot of confidence over the last few years. Gradually and so subtle that I hardly noticed.
So these are some that I found! HAHA!!! I know how to cover my goods well…
Maybe a little less physical and a little more psychological
Did I feel fab still? Yeah, ish? But I know I needed to do something to make me feel better. So I did everything from chopping my hair to dying it to changing styles. ANYTHING
Did I try to make myself feel better? Yeah, I went to take up pole dance and strip dance to feel better about myself. But if you realized in my social media, I hardly post anything regarding pole! But Daniel was having fun!
I was not ashamed of myself but I was uncomfortable about posting myself on social media cos I felt I was “in progress”.. Of something.. Not there yet.. I have no idea what and where yet..
So here are 2 rare pics of me in pole wear!
omg back fat!!!!!yuppp.. no where close to how graceful Silver was.. i felt like a snow pea
I was bullied as a child cos of my weight (Nope, not that kinda story)
Not knocking victims of bullying but THIS is not that story! I was super strong when I was a kid! (if you are bullied please read on. Cos I will tell you the sweetest revengeeee.. mwahahahaa.. at the end…. mwahahhaa)
So this is not a sob story about how sad I felt or how I was bullied because of my weight cos I was OKAY-ish with myself! But I feel I can do better and do not want to have pictures of me on social media until I get “there”. Am I making sense?
So I gave up posting and sharing a lot of memories I had. HECK I DID NOT EVEN POST MY WEDDING PICS! zzz… I have not “felt ready” yet.
Also, one fun fact, even though I married THE One Click Wonders, I hardly had any shoot done of me since I hit 30. He pesters me every time to shoot but as usual, I “Felt” I wasn’t ready
So on the 31 dec 2018, I did something super uncomfortable. I did a photoshoot with Daniel finally. HE LOVED IT!!! BUT!!!! I did not ‘Feel’ it.. then I realized one thing. All my photos felt uncertain.
Daniel loves this shot but I actually remember cringing when I saw it. nothing wrong with the photo but more of what i saw at that time
So what was the problem!?
So obviously the problem was not physical. I have lost 13KG and still felt shit about myself! It has to be psychological! So in May, I got so tired of never acknowledging my progress and it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and spraying water into my hair. I was cheering everyone on but I was going crazy inside! I felt so tired and empty!
Then something happened during my second KK in Orlando. I can’t put a finger to it, maybe I will write about it in another post once I figured it out. Something actually happened during my arrow break and I made a deal with myself.
Since I came back from Orlando, I tell myself every day that “I am worth it”, I look at myself in the mirror and give myself a huge smile everyday! I make an effort to check out myself in every reflection I could see and do a little wink. I am filled with gratitude for a hubby that tells me every 2 or 3 hours that he loves me and tells me that I am awesome every night before I sleep.
Growth! Is uncomfortable..
One thing I learned is that growth, no matter what kind of growth, is uncomfortable. I felt like a fool most of the time and I fall flat on my face more often then I cared to admit. But confidence is a skill. It has to be acquired through practice. And looking good in front of the camera is a learned skill. And I am still learning..
I think being stuck in the victim mentality is a very comfortable place for the mind. I knew it gave me reasons to make excuses and run away from everything but was that what I wanted in the long term? Like a kid with hands over her ears and screaming away refusing to deal with reality.
I doubt so. It might be comfortable for a while but I don’t want to live for another 20 years and look back wondering what could have been.
So finally after a few months of nudging from Daniel, we did an updated shoot 2 days ago. This time, I am happy with the results.
I was actually surprised when I saw this shot. I never knew I could pull this off!
There was not much weight difference between these 2 studio shots. But the mentality during the shoot was very different
So how much have I lost?
Yes, I found out that I needed to lose something, and it was not the weight. The main things I needed to lose was the lack of confidence, the feeling of needing to be perfect. I needed to lose the unattainable ideal of the perfect me and really trust the progress.
I am still FARRRRRr from perfection but knowing and acknowledging that I have made progression, that’s the most important lesson I’ve to learn this year! And it is probably something I will need to learn the rest of my life!
To lose limiting beliefs is sometimes worth more than losing just weight or fat! It gave me my life and confidence back. I am not perfect and I am proud of it! Cos there is beauty in the imperfections. There was a time I was skinny and unhappy for a while cos I still had the “not good enoug” mentality. But I have since had the mindset change and put on a couple of KGs. I’ve never felt better about myself!
So what do you want?
Something’s gotta give. You want more financial freedom, change the way you work and save! You want more friends, change the way you interact. You want more change in your appearance, work on it. You want more confidence, practice it! Cos you are freaking worth it!
The importance of tracking progress
You may not feel it, we never do. I don’t feel physically different when I see myself in the mirror and neither do I feel anything different when i wear my dresses. But Pictures don’t lie. (That’s why we stress the importance of taking pics for people who are trying to lose body fat). We are always over critical about ourselves and that’s just how are (especially ladies)
I actually felt crazy joy when i saw this pic Daniel put together for me
I actually feel proud of my progression. But i would have nothing to compare to when i did not take the first pic. And i remember i dreaded it ALOT and had to be forced to take that.
So if you want to be happy, use tools like this to celebrate every win! Look back and measure progress! Take a snapshot now and write a letter to yourself stating how you feel. In it set a challenge to yourself and change something for 10 days! Just one thing, eg smile more, do one kind deed a day or anything! Keep it in the drawer and set an alarm 100 days from now to remind you where it is. Read it in a 100 days and celebrate like crazy the progress you have made.
Sweetest revenge
Nope I have not forgotten the sweetest revenge one can give. The sweetest revenge is to go on and have fun with your life. They are not worth it, not anymore. Never let someone else negatively impact how you look at your self or what you feel you needed to do in life. That is giving them too much power that they don’t freaking deserve. Shine and bloom cos you are one of a kind. (Unless you are an ass then please don’t be an ass)
If you have not figured it out yet, I think I am effing Awesome and I think you are too! But it does not happen naturally, we need to work on it every single day! Not the awesomeness but the mentality. The awesomeness will come naturally!
There is no destination, just a process. And if thats the case, learn to enjoy and eat that damn elephant one bite at a time! Progression, not perfection!
To find out more, do follow me on @simsamsum on instagram or click here to learn more about ketones! My referral code is “dailyboost” and I will be there journeying with you as we progress to better!
“Why would you want to drink exogenous ketones if the body can make its own ketones on a keto diet?”
I get
this question so often that I think I can dedicate a post to answer this
question!
I am not
gonna comment on any science on it but more of what I feel and why I prefer to
drink ketones instead! Take this like personal preference and why I do it kinda
post
So what do I feel about the whole keto diet? I LOVE THE KETO DIET! That’s if I can keep to it! Avocados and lard, what’s there not to love? But there are a few things I don’t like about it and why I failed the last time I tried strict keto,
Carb counting,
Macros counting
Social life disruptions
Time and money to meal prep
I want to have my waffle and eat it too!
Carb counting
I am a
really lazy person. And I have problems even counting how much money I spend daily.
Have I tried to carb count before? YES and obviously I did well for the first 2
days and gave up after. And on a keto diet and for my body to get into
ketogenesis, I need to keep my carb intake to less than 20g. HOW ON EARTH DO I
KNOW HOW MUCH IS 20g?! two spoons of rice? one mouth of bubble tea? Woah?
I know of people who bring a scale around, but that is not what I want to do. My bag is very heavy already.
Macros counting
So
according to my “intensive research” (I know how to google a lot), I know
there’s a tipping point and a very delicate balance to get your body into the
state of ketogenesis. It is not just low carb but also high fat and moderate
protein. So same reason as to why I don’t carb count, I don’t count how much
macros I am taking in either. And the percentage is not even in weight!!!! it
is in caloric intake! Means, 1500 calories of fat is 80 to 90grams. As a very
lazy person, how on earth do I keep track!?
Social
life
I am a social pleaser. Means I will eat anything my friends want to eat and that includes high tea and cakes or pasta. Now I do try for a keto-friendly option when I eat out but since I don’t know how these dishes are prepared, I don’t know how keto they are. And I can’t turn down friend’s and family’s birthday cakes just cos it is not keto. In strict keto, there are no cheat days. Unfortunately. Plus I can’t pass up on golden mile char kway tiao or cereal prawns!
Time and money to meal prep
So how to make sure that every thing you eat is keto compliant? I know people who meal prep. But I personally don’t have the luxury or the money to do that. Let’s be honest, going strict keto is not cheap. How on earth can I afford grass-finished meats? (yes there is a diff between grass-fed and grass-finished) also I NEED my vegetables
(yes some strict keto diet people will scold you if you eat veg.. I kana before and I feel really bad so I gave up on the diet. Errr now thinking back… I think they might need to do stricter keto cos they might not have reached deep enough ketosis to reap the benefits of good mood, plus I don’t wanna get gout or smell bad. )
Have I tried meal prep before? YES! I tried to meal prep for
the week, and to save cost, I made the same meal for the week. First 2 days I was
proud of myself and the food looks awesome! Then I needed to meet clients over
lunch, and it was rude to reject lunch. So that meal prep for that day ended up
sitting in the fridge. Then I got sick of eating the same thing over and over
again and I threw a good 3 meals away cos it wilted in the fridge or started to
look.. erm gross.
Friends who know me know that I don’t even have time to sleep, let alone meal prep for the week all the time. Also, most of our meetings with clients are over lunch or dinner, places where “no outside food allowed” so that habit died at a week old.
Yes, you might wanna compromise on not meeting clients over food but hey. That’s how I work and it’s my USP. And I need the money you know.. lol even though I drink my ketones for free!
I want to have my waffle and eat it too
There are some days I just want to eat my regular auntie bakery waffle drowned in peanut butter. Maybe once every 2 weeks? It is my “good job Sam now keep sane” waffle. But knowing the keto flu I need to go through again (yes my keto flu and grumpiness has the potential to wreck my marriage) every time I eat my waffles, hmmm… how about no?
So these are the reasons why I’d rather open a packet, shake it up and drink to get into a state of ketosis. Sustainability and convenience. And I don’t mind spending money so that I have more time to do things I love and be with people I love. But that’s just how I want to spend my money and time! If I can use money to get more time and feel better, I think 10 bucks a day is WELL worth it.
So many people start keto to lose weight. Not knocking that but there is so many more benefit to getting your body into a deeper state of therapeutic ketosis by simply drinking ketones. And just having ketones in your body does not unlock all the mind-blowing benefits of ketosis! That’s the reason why I have been on ketones for the last 15 months and why I have enjoyed every single day doing what I love!
We can all agree that being in a state of ketosis is AWESOME!!! But there are many ways to get there! I have chosen mine that suits my lifestyle and gained a lot of friends back on this journey!
I still ask for tips from keto dieters cos I feel there is so much to learn plus I really respect their determination and discipline! But for someone as lazy as me, but still want the benefits of ketones even for the 4 or 6 hours on my mega cheat days, drinking ketones seem to fit. LOL
One can always use a sundial but I prefer my watch. One can
always walk to KL but I prefer to fly there. If there is ready technology and
makes my life easier, I don’t mind trying it out! My latest muse is on infrared
light technology! More on that another time!
Remember, it is about progression and not perfection. So stay calm and KETO ON!!!! Whichever way you wanna keto on!
