Category: Relationship

Today, I found out I am gonna be a mum

July 22, 2020 / admin

I’m sitting now in front of my computer in the office and my brain was in a mess when I am typing this. But I want to record this down somewhere. I want to be able to look back and remember this day. I will attempt to with this brain going in different directions. Hope this makes sense when I look back many moons from now.

So today was the day Dan and I went to get a pregnancy kit. I have realized my period was late for the first time in 2.5 years since I started ketones. Before that, I can have periods for months then nothing. Then months again with a crazy stabbing pain. But since Ketones, it has been like clockwork and painless.

We were talking about it last night, what if our results are positive? What if we are pregnant? Are we really ready to become parents? AT THIS TIME?! We are still in phase one of the circuit breaker! And our house is only coming in END NEXT year!!!

So we went to Sun Plaza for lunch. I did not have much appetite, Dan was eating his favorite Chinese pork ribs. My brains were in overdrive. I KNOW somehow I felt different these days, and it scares me. I feel like throwing up.

After late lunch, we went to the pharmacy to get the kit. I stood in front of the kits and hesitated, I wanted to chicken out, but I needed to know. Daniel was giving me space. Maybe he knew I am conflicted and I had to make this decision myself. I bought 2. Just in case of a misreading.

On the short drive back I felt sick but excited. Like a kid in bed on Christmas morning not knowing if I would love the present or be disappointed. The drive back I was silent, Dan was cracking jokes trying to lighten the mood, I appreciated that. Even at times like that, I give thanks to God for having this soulmate

After we got back to the office, I left the kits on the table for a while. We both sat at the couch holding hands, I was afraid. Was I holding on to too much hope since we have been trying for a kid and it has been disappointing so far?

I cried. Like all the months I cried when my period came on the dot.

It’s all or nothing now. I know dan was at a loss but he held it in like the pillar of support he has and will always be, we hold the kits together, fiddling with it, reading the instructions, trying to get the mushy brain in working order.

Ok. Toilet time!

I peed into the cup and used the dropper, WAIT.. was it one line or two? Wait… what’s what? As I dripped a couple of drops into the test area, I waited. And counted…

One thousand.. two thousand… three thousand…

The first faint line appeared…

Four thousand… 5 thousand… 6 thousand….

And the line darken to one dark pink line.

Seven thousand… eight thousand… nine thousand… ten thousand…

Was it my eyes playing tricks on me or do i see the very faint second line?

I lost count and stared at the test kit. My eyes started to water. I kept blinking, straining to see…

Slowly and surely, the second pink line faded into existence… I sat down for a bit, staring in space… looked up and saw a frightened girl staring back at me and realized that was my reflection.

After what felt like an hour, but that was just barely a minute in real-time, I grabbed the kit, walked out of the toilet to find Daniel smiling at me. I burst into tears and showed him the kit. He was confused a little.. then he laughed.. and both of us were laughing and crying at the same time.

Daniel quickly said a prayer thanking God for the results, laid a blessing of protection over me and our kiddo. We just sat there for a while… a long while. Talking about what to do next. We had no idea.

I suddenly felt a wave of panic. So doctor? Who? Where? What? How?

Suddenly instincts kicked in and I was in full research mode. That’s what I do best anyway and the only thing that’s was in my mind was..

Can I drink coffee now? I need a coffee.. oh wait… can I drink coffee? How much coffee can I drink?

Daniel has a natural daddy instinct. (THANK YOU JESUS) and he started fussing over me, making sure I was comfortable, trying to feed me, and made sure I was well hydrated.

So that was what went down today. As I sat here, Dan is rushing his edit and I just wanted to note every emotion and feeling down. I’m afraid and I am being very careful. I know this is precious and a gift from God and I wanna protect it to my best ability.

Here is to our smol smol… mum and dad lovesss you sooo much. Even though you are just a cluster of cells at the moment. Hahah…

What is it like to marry a photographer? (Part 1)

July 4, 2018 / admin

Loads of Instagram worthy photos! My ig looks like an influencer’s ig! Amazing locations and sponsors throwing things my direction. Super confident and super used to being in front of the camera, having an ever ready smile and pose.

Not..

if you know me well or look at Daniel’s Instagram, you will notice that I am a unicorn, a rare occurrence of his feed. Not cos he is not proud of me, (damn he is too proud of me sometimes I get uncomfortable) but I am painfully shy in front of the camera.

But what is it like to be dating a photographer? Or even married to one?

I always get this question, “Daniel shoot so many chio bu (@oneclickwonders) and you are okay with that? Won’t insecure meah?”

I think I am blessed. Blessed with a hubby who sees me for more then I see myself. Is there insecurities? Of cos! Have we fought about it before? Yes! Then what changed?

As time pass, and we get mature, we learn to be less reactive and more objective. Daniel has a gift and it is up to me to not be in the way to hinder that gift. And I think after coming to terms with that, we enjoy our time when work and play.

Plus he is a very professional creative and his eye of beauty is not tainted. The trust we have is not blind faith and trust. I remember at the beginning, when I was very insecure, he invites me to his shoot to just hang.

And every time without fail, all these drop dead gorgeous girls will tell me how much they know about me cos Daniel just would not shut up about how awesome his girlfriend is. That meant a lot to me. Him feeling proud of me and telling everyone that does help in my insecurities.

So is it exciting to date or marry a photographer, yes cos you never know what that brings you. And I am so glad I took up the courage to chase him and he had the patience to deal with my crazy. Thank you Daniel, for letting me be me..

One year married and still crazy in love~

May 13, 2018 / admin

It felt like yesterday where we had our wedding in the arts house. And in this year, so much had happened already! Many people ask me if there is any difference after I got married. I would say yes! Not that we take each other for granted or something but there is a finality that he is mine, all mine to love and be loved.

But there is always this fact that I hold very close. Even though I know Daniel is a fiercely loyal man and I don’t have to worry about him straying even though he hangs out with models and pretty girls, there must always be an understanding that everyone has a chance or potential to cheat but it is a matter of choice. A choice to either cheat or a choice to stay loyal. And there are many things affecting the choice. But that is another post for another time.

But knowing that there is this potential helps us not take each other for granted and helps us to be grateful.

I think the most important elements to make a relationship work is gratefulness, trust and fun. If you can have fun together, there is not a mountain too high for both of you to conquer.

So yes, here is to my ever patient, endearing and funny hubby. I love ya more then I realise I do!