*post is added at a later date when I was more comfortable sharing
draft written on 3rd Jan 2021
As we count down to Baby T’s arrival, there is this nagging feeling that I can’t seem to pinpoint. It’s not a major sadness that comes with hormonal issues but more of the lingering doubt. So many people look at my social media feed and think I am having the time of my life. But I am actually struggling inside.
Do i really want kids? Or rather, can I handle a kid? Am I ready? Will I be good enough to be a parent? What if I suck?
These are the questions that kept going round and round in my head. And I can’t seem to shake them off no matter how supportive Daniel is.
I am afraid. but at the same time, I feel helpless. which is really stupid since I have such a strong support system. maybe more of fear than anything else.
I actually feel useless, I can’t carry heavy stuff anymore, I feel like a whale. I can’t even see my bloody feet! I am also not very useful at productions. We just finished our last production that I was allowed to be on-site, and this feels… Wrong.
I don’t know what i am actually thinking and why these thoughts are coming. Maybe these thoughts might go away one day..
