There is a difference between a high achiever vs a perfectionist.

I don’t remember at which stage in life I started to become a perfectionist. I started from being a high achiever and digressed into a realm of perfectionism. And no that’s not the same as being OCD. And to all self-proclaimed OCDs out there, OCD is very different from being neat and orderly.

Back to being a perfectionist, I think I am seeing more negative attributes in it as I slowly drift away from being a perfectionist. There are many articles about these talking about Perfectionist Traits as well as how it is different from being a high achiever.

How did it all start?

Through my early formative years, I have always been a high achiever. Even though I was dyslexic, I was overachieving on many other areas in life. I have always set the record for being “the youngest student in XXX leadership position” and “the youngest student to start an initiative “. I have also always prided myself as the ‘fixer’ or the ‘problem solver’ who thinks differently from peers my age. Damn, I was even reading business books when I was 12 and got into trouble at reading classes cos the teachers don’t think that was age-appropriate.

“She has so much potential for the future!” “We are excited to see where she will go in the future”

There are 2 ways a person can go after this. They either ride on these opportunities to greater heights or they crash and burn under these expectations.

I went both ways. I rode the waves higher and higher, and then I crashed under all these expectations. Mainly self-expectations.

The beginning of the end (errr.. though not really)

I was under so much stress that I went into a clinical depression. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t function.

I was afraid of everything. The constant question going off in my head day and night,

“what if you fail sam? You have never failed before, so what makes you so sure you will survive this?”

“Are you sure you are ready? Are you sure you have what it takes? “

“Nope, not good enough. Anyone can do this so what makes you perfect? You need a perfect foolproof plan if not you will fall flat on your face before you even started”

“The only reason why you have friends and family is because you seem perfect. Can you imagine how disappointed they will be when they find out you are not? Do you know how fast they will leave?”

We are indeed our worst critic huh! If we were to treat other people the same way we treat ourselves, we will indeed be very lonely.

The change was so slow and gradual that I did not even realize. My self-confidence and self-esteem were so low! Even though I became an educator, a flight attendant in a top airline and even started my own business! I have always felt like a fraud.

But once in a while, the high achiever Sam does appear. In times of trouble where I needed to react on instinct when I lack the time to talk myself out of it.

I was so tired and preoccupied with trying not to screw up all the time.

So one day I heard this phrase!

Then one day at a conference, I heard this phrase. “ Don’t mess good up for perfect”. That got me thinking!

  • How many times have I missed an opportunity cos I felt it was good but not perfect?
  • How many business opportunities have I missed cos I procrastinated when I felt I was not perfect enough yet?
  • How many times have I delayed saying yes to something I knew I was good enough to work it out as I go along because I felt I needed to be perfect before saying yes?
  • How many times have I stood at the sidelines and watch others that are not necessary as qualified but way more confident then I am, take the plunge into something I know I could be good at?

Are these the reason why I find myself living from paycheck to paycheck, project to project cos I was afraid to commit to anything? The answer is YES!

Do I really want to have a perfect, failure-free life at the end knowing that I have played it too safe?

So this year I have decided to not play it safe! I have decided to take risk, more calculated risk.

I have learned that it is all about progress and not about being perfect. So as long as I am moving forward, even falling or failing forward, that’s all that matters.

Relearning is never easy. Overcoming fear is never easy too! But as long as I am progressing 1% better every day, that’s a mad compounded progression is the long run! So if any part of this speaks to you, just start. No one can guarantee the perfect outcome but one can guarantee no outcome if you don’t gather up the courage to just start.

So know that I will be rooting for you!

Love Samantha