Finally, have the time to write again. And yes this needs to change. I need to write more as this is one of the few ways I get my emotions and feeling out of my thick skull. And it helps me on an emotional level when I put my emotions on paper (screen).
And today’s topic is about being nice. Is there such a thing as being too nice?
I have been struggling with this concept for a while. How much niceness is too nice? But recently I saw a video that says it pretty well. You can see it here
It kinda describes what I have been doing for a while. Being so nice that I end up getting burnt out and asking myself why did I even agree to do anything.
Then there comes the concept of transactional “niceness”. Eg when a paying client asks for something done and is super nice and collaborative about it, then I will be more than willing to do more, even forgoing sleep.
But how about non-monetary? Non-transactional? Or just being nice because I want to be nice?
Truth be told, I got very very jaded about a month or 2 ago, and am still trying to get out of it. It’s hard to not be cynical when I am comparing myself internally to the likes of disposable utensils. Replaceable.
I thought I would be happy if I protected myself more, to think about myself more. To put me in the canter and before anyone else. To “give me first dips”. But I realized that I was not happy and went down an angry spiral.
As an emotional creature, I have always shown love by acts of service. This is my love language and by not helping others first means asking me to not love. And that killed me more than anything.
So yes I was protecting myself, but I was not happy. That got me thinking, it is not about the act of being nice, but the subject or persons I need to be careful about being nice to.
I am still learning to discern but I cannot ‘not love’. So do I have a way to get less hurt and tired? Not yet. But I guess, getting tired and sometimes hurt, beats not loving.
And love is more then enough..
