Pre-conference
I am afraid of a lot of things. But my biggest insecurity, is insecurity. I am insecure about how I look, how I should act, how I come across to others, how people think of me, basically me as a personal identity.
Can I be real guys? Yes I go through an identity crises almost on a daily basis.
NOoooo… I hear. That cannot be!
I am very close to a full mental melt down now and the last few weeks have proven to be tough. I have been questioning everything I think, do or say. I question my purpose in life, my beliefs and my values and even my self-worth. This question was constantly in my mind. What difference would I make in the world if I am dead or alive? Not a morbid issue but more of an existential issue.
Am I gonna be ever good enough? Am I doing enough?
As we are leaving for conference in 2 weeks, maybe I would find a world for the season if maybe it will all work out. *shrugs
